What does Gay mean?
On Unite Gay Network, gay usually means a man whose primary romantic and sexual pull is toward other men. That is the working definition we actually use in bars, in bed, and on this site. It is not a personality, a voice, a politics, or a haircut. You can be gay and married to a woman, gay and celibate, gay and tired of the word. The attraction is the core. Everything else is biography.
The word, used by us
Gay used to be an insult and a code. We kept it. For many men it is cleaner than homosexual, less clinical than MSM, and more precise than queer. Some of us still say homosexual in formal settings. Some never say gay out loud. The label is for your use, not a uniform.
This Network is for gay and bisexual men. We say that on purpose. Neighbouring words (lesbian, trans, queer, LGBT+) appear in the Knowledge Center so you can read a room and not talk nonsense. They are not who this community is built around. See Queer, LGBT+, and why Unite Gay Network says gay and bisexual men.
Gay is about men, not about roles
Being gay does not tell anyone whether you are a top, a bottom, or uninterested in those words. It does not tell anyone whether you are camp, straight-acting, religious, or a father. What do Top, Bottom, Versatile, Vers-Top, and Vers-Bottom mean? is sex language. Gay is who you want.
You can be gay and have a history with women. You can be gay and still sort that history out. If your attraction to men and women is both real and ongoing, bisexual may fit better, and you are still welcome here. What does Bisexual mean? is written for men in this Network, not as a lecture.
MSM, discreet, and men who refuse the word
Some men have sex with men and will never say gay. Health services often say MSM (men who have sex with men) so they can talk about risk without forcing an identity. That can be respectful. It can also be a closet with a spreadsheet. What does MSM mean, and why some men reject gay holds both truths.
You do not have to come out to be gay. You also do not have to accept a community's worst stereotypes as the price of the word. If gay has been used to police your masculinity or your race, the problem is the policing. Masculinity, camp, and the pressure to pass goes further.
Living it, not defining it
A definition will not tell you how to date, how to tell your kids, or how to walk into a sauna. That is what the rest of this Knowledge Center is for, and why the Locations Finder exists. If you want in, join. Gay is the shortest true sentence many of us ever get to say. You can say it here without turning it into a brand.