Homophobia, biphobia, and internalised shame

Sep 1

2 min read

Homophobia is hostility toward gay people. Biphobia is hostility toward bisexual people, including from gay rooms. Internalised shame is what happens when that hostility sets up house in your own head and starts doing the policing for free. You will meet all three. Naming them is not therapy. It is how you stop calling the voice 'standards.'

From outside

Laws, fists, jokes at work, a family that will have you if you stay single, a church, a border. That is homophobia as weather. You do not debate weather. You get a coat, a plan, or an exit. Living as a gay or bisexual man in a hostile country.

Biphobia from straight people sounds like greed or confusion. From gay men it sounds like 'pick a side' and 'you'll leave me for a woman.' Bisexual men and bi-erasure.

The voice in your head

You flinch at camp. You only want men who could pass at your father's office. You delay testing because a result would make it 'real.' You stay in a marriage as cover. You treat HIV-positive men as dirty after U=U. That is internalised shame doing homophobia's job. Masculinity, camp, and the pressure to pass.

It is common. It is treatable. It is not a personality.

What to do with it

Notice the rule ('I must not look gay in this shop') and ask whose rule it is. Some rules keep you safe this year. Some rules are leftovers. Mental health for gay and bisexual men is the longer resource. A therapist who understands this life beats a motivational quote.

If the voice is telling you to disappear, If you are in crisis, how to get help.

Community as a counter-voice

Other men who are not disgusted by you are a treatment. Not the only one. A good one. Join Unite Gay Network. Use the map. Shame shrinks in rooms where nobody is performing straightness for a stranger. You do not have to love every gay man. You do have to stop doing the state's work on your own back.

Disclaimer*

This article was originally published in English. While we have translated it to make the content more accessible to our international members, slight variations may exist between the translated and original versions. For the most accurate and authoritative wording, please refer to the English edition. We appreciate your understanding as we continue to improve our multilingual support.