Bisexual men and bi-erasure

Sep 1

2 min read

Bi-erasure is the habit of refusing to let bisexual men exist as bisexual. With a boyfriend you are 'gay now.' With a wife you were 'never really bi.' On a gay app you are a tourist or a disease risk. In straight company you are greedy or confused. Unite Gay Network names gay and bisexual men together because that erasure is not a small insult. It isolates men from the only rooms that might have understood the male half of their lives.

How it shows up among men

'Pick a side.' 'You will leave me for a woman.' 'No bis, no married.' Some of that is boundary-setting from men who have been used as an experiment. Some of it is superstition. You can have a boundary about married men without deciding bisexuality is fake. What does Bisexual mean? is the definition. This page is the politics of not believing it.

HIV risk follows behaviour, not the word bi. Test, talk, use PrEP if it fits. Do not launder prejudice through epidemiology.

Marriages, secrecy, and the mess other people then blame on bisexuality

Some bisexual men are closeted husbands. Some gay men are too. Secrecy can harm a wife, a boyfriend, or both. That is a consent and honesty problem. It is not proof that bisexual men cannot commit. Building a relationship when you are not out and Leaving a mixed-orientation marriage deal with the situation, not the stereotype.

If you are the boyfriend of a man who will not say the word, you get to decide what you will live with. You do not get to rewrite his identity as a condition of dating him, and he does not get to use you as a secret that puts you at legal or social risk.

You do not have to audition

You are not required to list every gender you have touched to be believed. You are not required to stay single until the internet is satisfied. If a gay space only wants you when you delete the rest of your life, that space is too small. This Network is not that small.

Join. Use the Knowledge Center, the map, and groups as a man who wants men (which you do, or you would not be here). The other attractions you have are not a debt you pay at the door.

Disclaimer*

This article was originally published in English. While we have translated it to make the content more accessible to our international members, slight variations may exist between the translated and original versions. For the most accurate and authoritative wording, please refer to the English edition. We appreciate your understanding as we continue to improve our multilingual support.