Loneliness even when you are partnered

Sep 1

2 min read

A boyfriend is not a cure for isolation. You can sleep next to a man every night and still have nobody to tell the truth to, no friends of your own, no scene, no family, no body you can stand. Gay and bisexual men are sold coupledom as the prize. Then the prize arrives and the quiet is still there. That is not ingratitude. That is a different problem than being single.

What the loneliness is made of

A closet that the two of you share. A move to his city. Friends who were really fuck buddies. Age, illness, language, racism, or a relationship that swallowed every other evening. What chosen family means is the wider net. A couple is one knot in it, not the net.

Minority stress does not clock out because you are loved. Mental health for gay and bisexual men.

Do not make him the entire village

If he is your only outness, your only sex, your only friend, and your only family, the relationship will feel like a hostage situation even if he is kind. Get one thing that is yours: a group, a sport, a volunteer shift, a therapist, a chat that is not him. He should do the same.

Jealousy of your independent life is a conversation. Forbidding it is a warning. Domestic abuse in relationships between men.

Single loneliness and coupled loneliness both count

If you are single, this page is still for you: do not delay every friendship until a boyfriend appears. If you are coupled and drowning, say so before you pick a fight about towels. Some relationships end because the isolation was the truth. Some open up because you both needed more people, not more rules.

Build the rest of the week

Use the Locations Finder for rooms that are not date night. Join Unite Gay Network so your world of men is larger than one apartment. Love is a good thing. It is not a personality and it is not a mental-health service.

Disclaimer*

This article was originally published in English. While we have translated it to make the content more accessible to our international members, slight variations may exist between the translated and original versions. For the most accurate and authoritative wording, please refer to the English edition. We appreciate your understanding as we continue to improve our multilingual support.